Reading Without Ego

When I first start sensing spirit, I let my ego get in the way. I would receive messages that didn’t make any sense to me, so I didn’t pass them on. I assumed I had made them up or I that just completely misinterpreted what I was receiving. And to be honest – I was simply afraid to be WRONG. I’ve learned since to just say what I get, be ok with being wrong and trust that Spirit will continue working with me until the message is passed accurately.

Spirit has a brilliant way of allowing my client’s readings to double as my own lessons. During one reading in particular, when I was still learning to let go of my ego and just say what I get, this lesson became evident.

It was a reading for a lovely lady I met in a spiritual Facebook group. The reading was a distant reading where the client sent in several questions she wanted me to ask of Spirit. As I do normally, I meditated before I began and welcomed in all spirits in the highest and greatest good of the client, and of me. Almost immediately Spirit showed up. Although not really related to the message here, this was also an important reading for me because it was the first time that my own deceased father appeared in a reading. I felt his energy beside me and then, with the same mannerisms he exhibited in his physical life, he introduced me to this young woman’s grandfather. They had much in common in their physical lives, specifically a connection to marine science and extremely similar personalities. My dad came specifically to help me connect to those commonalities.

So, while I focused on that, reveling in the awe and gratefulness of experiencing own father’s energy again, I frantically typed the messages I was receiving. After a few moments, I noticed the energy of a young boy in front of me. He felt very much out of place and even seemed to question my presence. When I tried to engage him in conversation, he gave me very little information. He seemed put off by my interest. I remember thinking to myself –well, I’ve obviously made this up. A spirit doesn’t show up if they’ve got nothing to say. There is no way I’m going to include this in the messages to the client. I was so afraid that if I included one word of something that didn’t make sense, one word of something the client couldn’t connect with, it would negate all of the beautiful evidentiary information my father was helping me provide about this woman’s grandfather. So I decided to ignore the young boy and exclude him from the report I was preparing for the client.

Just as I was about to close the session and thank those in spirit who had come, I glanced up and the young boy was still there. This time he was sitting down. He stared and me and looked down. I saw he was playing jacks – the kids’ game . He still had nothing to say. My ego screamed –’ignore him and don’t mess up the rest of this reading by mentioning him!’

As I finished the written report to send to the client, I felt pushed, nagged, compelled to include the boy. It was against my better judgment, but I couldn’t let the feeling go. So I did it. I added a paragraph describing exactly what I had experienced with this child’s energy.  I sent the reading report off to the client thinking –’oh, she’s never going to believe me about this’. I anticipated receiving a very kind “thank you for this reading, but I don’t recognize any of these spirits or their messages” email. That’s not at all what happened. Not only did this woman recognize and connect with her grandfather and several other spirits in the reading, but she knew immediately who the boy was. She is a schoolteacher and this child was a student of hers with whom she had a special connection. He had passed due to a long illness and was sorely missed. His name was Jax.

When I read her note, I cried.

Had I been ego-motivated and left out that little boy that I felt so unsure about, this woman would have never gotten to experience the joy of connecting with a child she loved. From that point forward, I don’t ever leave out anything I’m receiving. I want desperately for all of the messages I receive, my interpretations of words and images to ring true for every client. But as much as I want that, it’s more important for me to be transparent than “right”. So if I hear it, sense it, see it, smell it or feel it, I share it. I’m taking my chances that one of those messages is from your Jax.